Seriously, I'm Not

At this moment I am not worried about what happens after this life, if there is a heaven and a hell, where "I" would end up. Many would say this thinking is the folly of a foolish man, a man destined for eternal heartache and suffering. I wont argue with them. Just as I believe this is true for me, that is what is true for them and its ok today.

In the Sermon On The Mount, Jesus teaches that not only is it of course wrong to kill, but to even think of killing, nay to even be angry with another is sufficient to keep oneself out of the The Kingdom Of Heaven.

I have spent much time in meditation contemplating this and what The Father has impressed upon me is what leads me to make the statement "I'm not worried about what happens after this life".

We are His children, offspring of The Creator. As I have read, a cow cannot give birth to a lamb, an eagle to a dog etc, therefore, we are logically created in His image. While perhaps it is true that the bodies we occupy during this experience are different, our Internal Spirit is not. This Spirit is of God and has existed since the Beginning right along with Him. In fact, it is Him and it belongs to Him. So, if we are created in His Image, then when these vehicles we are traveling in at the moment fail, "we" will continue on somewhere. It simply cannot be any other scenario. Just as the materials that make up the chair I am sitting on, or the desk that I am sitting at have existed as some sort of material since The Beginning and will only change form and exist forever, so too will we. We are infinitely more important than this desk or even the most beautiful creation in all the universe as the Children of The One who has all power.

So, in getting back to the point, I have observed my life in a stunning way the last 11 months. When my ex wife declared that to leave our marriage and take up with another would be an insane lapse of judgment, and that she would lose all of her credibility and did it anyway, I embarked on the most significant journey of my life experience so far. I remember vividly feeling like a caged animal that was wholly aware that there was an impending storm that would hold me in captivity for a period of time that I knew not how long would or could last. There was nothing to do but to simply sit right out in the open and allow this great storm to have its way with me. It wasn't a noble decision on my part, I was simply powerless and had no choice. The matter was settled for me by others, namely her and the man she made the decision to be with.

Human nature being what it is in this "fallen world", I wanted to hurt them both in any way I could. The miracle of it was that just as I knew I had to experience this storm no matter what, I somehow understood that there was something in this that could make it different than any other experience I had ever had, and that difference is humility. God is so loving and forgiving, He cared not that I had arrived back on His doorstep a broken man and without any other options. Even knowing that if I had any inkling that I could employ another solution that I would likely have tried it before asking Him for help that I would have, He still welcomed me home. Taking my darkest hours, He showed me that even thinking of hurting them was only hurting myself, more importantly, it would keep me from The Kingdom Of Heaven. You see, we can be there in that Kingdom right now in this very moment. It is where I spend my time now. There are many rooms in The Mansion and they contain everything we need to be happy.

This Path is not the easiest one to walk, but thats only in the beginning. My experience is that as the days go by, as long as I start it by asking Him in to my life and stay aware of the relationship I have with Him in every single one of my daily affairs, its easier and easier. The reward is in the consistency. Just as bigger muscles are the result of a dedicated work out program, so to are bigger spiritual muscles the result of constant prayer and mediation.

I'm still me. Thoughts of hurting people, exacting my revenge, still come in to my consciousness, but they are simply opportunities. Opportunities to, as Jesus taught, "turn the other cheek". What I do with with my mind is my choice. When I choose to ask God for an intuitive thought or inspiration, He gives it to me. I do not have to wonder if He will grant this or not, He always will, tho sometimes quickly, sometime slowly. He will always lift me up if I do my part.

If its ever appropriate, I may find myself thanking the two individuals that provided me the opportunity to be a part of this particular act in the play of life. I hope that my contributions that played an equal part in leading us all here, even if it be looked upon as negative, provide them with the same golden opportunity to draw nearer to Him as it did me.

Its Sunday morning, March 9th 2008 at 7:17 AM as I type this. A date in what we understand as time. Its just an illusion. Its not real. The Father is Eternal and so is The Spirit the dwells within all of us.

Peace,

Kevin