New Jersey

Seems like much longer than nineteen days have gone by since I last visited here. So much can happen in just a day, that it's like a lifetime ago that I wrote anything down.

Two days ago:

I am sitting in some strip mall, a greasy spoon in New Jersey with the word "Burger" in the name. I have an appointment soon down the street with a big company. To sell our services, thats why I am here. Hoping for something good to eat, something made with some thought, I have picked out this place. I ordered a breakfast, the usual, eggs / bacon / hashbrowns and toast. The womaen are right out of a movie. Rather large if you know what I mean. Friendly enuf, one asks me about the TV show American Idol. I dont know much about it. The topics are this show and another, Dancing With The Stars. Ive never seen it. I have nothing to add to the conversatiion, and I trust they would feel just as left out of the conversation that I would rather be having with them.

Waiting for my food, I drift off into The Verde Wilderness. My thoughts are never too far from there. How can I relate what its like to disconnect from the world and be there? I cannot.

My food is ready, its horrible. Hard to imagine that breakfast could be so badly ruined! I'm saddened by the entire presentation. Everything thrown on the plate in its own compartmentalized container. Salt and pepper packets, plastic fork and knife, two conatiners of cheap grape jelly. I pick at what is edible and throw the rest away.

I am walking back to the rental car and drift back into the wilderness. Thinking now about life, the people I love and our mortality. So many moments of my life are washed thru the experience I had a short time ago. My Mother. Her last breath taken in my arms. Alone, just the two of us. An amazing gift, tho just short of perfect. Lacking only the ability to talk to her about this one last moment, I live wondering what we would say about it.

Back into the world now. I arrive at my meeting. Several people have blown it off, disrespectful that I have traveled across the country for a one hour engagement. It is another of what I call an unecessary, necessary meeting. I tell the truth and leave. Back to the airport, awaiting the plane that will take me back to Salt Mine Road, back to The Verde Wilderness.

I dont like the East Coast, at least not the small portion of what I have seen. The buildings are old, the streets are crowded. A different kind of old when compared to The Wilderness where we live. I am wondering why I like one kind of old and not another.

I am back now, for two days, leaving again tomorrow. This time to California. I am not looking forward to it. So instead of looking forward, I am looking out the window as I write. Cardinals! Everywhere I seem to look. Have you ever seen a Cardinal in "real" life? Different from a typical bird, like an Eagle is different from a Sparrow. So amazing these creatures. A unique vibration. Cant explain it anymore than that.

The Verde Wilderness is in transition, tho when is it not! Some trees and other vegatation already fully green, some in mid change yet the Mesquite trees still completely barren. A neighbor told me a week ago, "The Mesquuites know when its spring" He must be right! I look forward to this now, in lieu of looking forward to the next trip.

Kevin