New Jersey

Seems like much longer than nineteen days have gone by since I last visited here. So much can happen in just a day, that it's like a lifetime ago that I wrote anything down.

Two days ago:

I am sitting in some strip mall, a greasy spoon in New Jersey with the word "Burger" in the name. I have an appointment soon down the street with a big company. To sell our services, thats why I am here. Hoping for something good to eat, something made with some thought, I have picked out this place. I ordered a breakfast, the usual, eggs / bacon / hashbrowns and toast. The womaen are right out of a movie. Rather large if you know what I mean. Friendly enuf, one asks me about the TV show American Idol. I dont know much about it. The topics are this show and another, Dancing With The Stars. Ive never seen it. I have nothing to add to the conversatiion, and I trust they would feel just as left out of the conversation that I would rather be having with them.

Waiting for my food, I drift off into The Verde Wilderness. My thoughts are never too far from there. How can I relate what its like to disconnect from the world and be there? I cannot.

My food is ready, its horrible. Hard to imagine that breakfast could be so badly ruined! I'm saddened by the entire presentation. Everything thrown on the plate in its own compartmentalized container. Salt and pepper packets, plastic fork and knife, two conatiners of cheap grape jelly. I pick at what is edible and throw the rest away.

I am walking back to the rental car and drift back into the wilderness. Thinking now about life, the people I love and our mortality. So many moments of my life are washed thru the experience I had a short time ago. My Mother. Her last breath taken in my arms. Alone, just the two of us. An amazing gift, tho just short of perfect. Lacking only the ability to talk to her about this one last moment, I live wondering what we would say about it.

Back into the world now. I arrive at my meeting. Several people have blown it off, disrespectful that I have traveled across the country for a one hour engagement. It is another of what I call an unecessary, necessary meeting. I tell the truth and leave. Back to the airport, awaiting the plane that will take me back to Salt Mine Road, back to The Verde Wilderness.

I dont like the East Coast, at least not the small portion of what I have seen. The buildings are old, the streets are crowded. A different kind of old when compared to The Wilderness where we live. I am wondering why I like one kind of old and not another.

I am back now, for two days, leaving again tomorrow. This time to California. I am not looking forward to it. So instead of looking forward, I am looking out the window as I write. Cardinals! Everywhere I seem to look. Have you ever seen a Cardinal in "real" life? Different from a typical bird, like an Eagle is different from a Sparrow. So amazing these creatures. A unique vibration. Cant explain it anymore than that.

The Verde Wilderness is in transition, tho when is it not! Some trees and other vegatation already fully green, some in mid change yet the Mesquite trees still completely barren. A neighbor told me a week ago, "The Mesquuites know when its spring" He must be right! I look forward to this now, in lieu of looking forward to the next trip.

Kevin

Internet "Friends"

I have spent alot of time on one of those internet "forums" and I must confess, its been mostly to argue. I have, and continue to examine myself as to why I do it. It's clearly inviting stress into my life.

Its so easy to say that I am "spiritual" and "enlightened" but then why this indulgance in such negativity? I originally arrived to that "place" to talk about my love of the desert and hear about the experiences of others.

I have made there people I consider to be friends. A strange occurance in this modern age of communication, this age of the internet!

One of my friends is on a journey. We were lucky enuf to spend some time together today. I am feeling happy that I was able to "turn him on" to The Verde Wilderness! The surrounding areas of the state in which I live, Arizona, are indeed quite beautiful. Yet, there is something unique about this place I call The Verde Wilderness. In an instant, I sensed that this newfound friend understood completely.

I took a ride on my dirt bike after our visit.

I am riding, but today I am going slow. I am not feeling "up" to the task of going fast this day. My motorcycle is a tool of a different kind this time. I am using my considerable skill to navigate this piece of earth I am on right now that is chuckling at me for even daring to try to succesfully traverse it! I am in what is called The North Hole on the Forest Service maps of the mountain in the picture above. The afternoon lighting demands that I stop and look. I park my bike against a tree and am sitting in its shade, looking strait up at the majestic rock cliffs covered in green moss.

I am drifting into an imaginary conversation, talking to those on that blasted forum that demonize me for the simple act of riding my dirt bike here. I am doing nothing "wrong" in fact, I am not even breaking any of mans laws! I am telling them that what I am doing and who I am is good, but it is no use, they do not understand, so I concede defeat! I will not go back and argue anymore.

We are all travellers here. Its time to embrace the idea that its ok to be different. I am a "native" of the land, as much as any person that was present here long ago. My vehicle is just a newer version of what was used in the past, nothing more. One can only get to where I am sitting right now with a sufficient amount of interest. Without that key ingredient, a helicopter is useless! I am, right here in this wilderness, OK!

The moment has passed, and I feel its time to decend, down, down, down the countless rocks, STRAIT DOWN! Manipulating the brakes on the machine to perfection. Sliding along, waltzing with the earth. I am turning right and spying on a herd of cattle near a tank. I quiet my motor and glide past, only two run away, the rest sit and look at me like everything is ok.

I have arrived home, and enjoy a hamburger with my family, feeling the gratitude pulsing thru my body for The Verde Wilderness. I am enjoying my love affair with my home.

No posting on the forum tonite. Its a good night.

Kevin