I had no way of knowing the impacts of the decision to move here. Thats a fairly obvious staement if there ever was one, but I'll do the best I can to explain.
Some experiences here.
I am sitting way up on the mountain above my house. I feel nervous. My bike is leaning against a rock at the opening of a mine shaft. The wind begins to blow and I am puzzled. There isnt a freeway nearby! Suddenly I realize its the sound of wind thru the trees. It sounds like a freeway back in California! Or, better yet, those damned freeways sound like wind blowing thru the trees!
I am walking in the heat next to the Verde River. New to the area, I feel apprehensive, wondering if some "authority" is going to pop out of a bush and tell me I'm doing something wrong tho all I am doing is walking harmlessly along. There is creekin and crackin sounds all around me. Lizards and other creatures rustling in the bushes. I take a deep breath and try not to be scared. Although I am alone and am the only person for miles around, I cant shake the feeling someone is nearby.
Some months, two seasons and a third almost done have come and gone since then. I travel thru the wilderness unafraid and familiar with the surroundings that once made me so uptight. Now, I find myself eager to get out of the big city whenever I must visit there, which is far too often still! Now, I deal with the newest feelings of being here in this vast and open place. The place I call The Verde Wilderness.
Alone in the house I sit and write this. My wife having "gone to town"! Something we say with newfound country pride! I find myself part of those that "work from home". Many people afforded this nowadays because of the very thing that makes this blog possible, the internet!
I cannot recall such boredom. Ever. This job, tho it pays the bills etc. I must find something new. I am glancing out my window to the left and watching the light rain fall. Like the time I was unfamiliar with the sound of the wind thru the tress, I am unfamiliar with this pace of life. Thats all I want really, to be just past that window, not stuck here behind it.
Desire to have something will not always prepare someone for actually getting it. Wanting to live here wasnt enuf to understand what I would be going thru. A process. Assimilating and acclimating to this enviroment. You see, in the city, people are all around, yet they are in that "City Rush" and many never take the time to speak. Everyone passing by, stangers to one another. Here, a passer by, strangers, are welcomed in! But, they are rare, hence the uniqueness if them. So, now my thoughts are taking my writing off track.
The pain I feel right now isnt from this pace, this place or this way of life. I believe its from being so close! Close to The Verde Wilderness. Lotto dreams. Many people have them. I have daydreamed about it! My dream, to be free to visit The Verde Wilderness everyday. Take people with me. My wife most of all. Sit and wait................for nothing. Yet again, wiat for life to happen. An animal that Ive never seen or the light on The Towel Peaks to reflect just so.
My cat, Loid, he feels this way too. I know. I watch him walking thru the house, sometimes looking like he will come apart at any moment! Looking bored. He dissapears for a few days at a time now and then. Out all nite in sub twenty degree weather. How does he do it? I have this hunch about him. He is sometimes depressed because he has found something so incredible but cannot express it and has no one to share it with. He has been delivered to The Verde Wilderness. Something he never bargained for. I sense the Quail he sits and watches outside do not relate to him! Much like the people I left behind in that big city. My family and freinds.
So, I do not lament this "boredom". I sit and allow it to wash thru me. It is temporary. The Verde Wilderness however is timeless
Kevin
